Reading About Reading.

God is Moving in Reading.

That is a headline that I have just read about a so called ‘move of God’ happening in Reading, U.K. at this moment in time. One that was prayed for, believed for, and now is ignited by a visiting itinerant evangelist from the U.S.A. Hundreds are making decisions, the presence is spilling onto the streets, and there is a facilitating going on to spread this into the U.K. and further afield. Why when reading this do I no longer feel an overwhelming sense of excitement that ‘God has come’? Why am I not getting in my car and visiting the church so I can be anointed to carry the fire myself? Have I been so burned out on my own pursuits of moves and revival that I have become too cynical? There was a time I would have reported this, read everything on it, and wanted to go see for myself. I travelled all over the U.K. and Wales longing for that river to flow during the time of Toronto and Brownsville, I wanted the touch, I longed for the anointing, wanted to carry the mantle, held and hosted conferences with some of the key players and prophets, but somewhere on the journey I gave up chasing rainbows. The pot of gold never arrived at my house. What was once the desire of my heart became a hyped up illusion that I refused to fall for again. Does that mean I do not believe that people get changed or transformed? Look God is able to take the biggest mess and do something precious in a life. God is capable of working in the hype to heal, help, bring peace. But that in itself is not enough of a seal of approval. God blessed the Temple of Solomon and moved in, but He quite plainly tells David through the prophet that He does not dwell in buildings, that He does not want it built and that He will dwell in men’s hearts. But there is this obsession. An obsession we still have.

If You Build It He Will Come.

The Field of Dreams was a very poignant film to me. It spoke to me of building things right and as instructed so the father can come and walk in the field again. I attempted to build with right structures, with the right foundations of apostles and prophets, with the right leadership, right worship, right messages, right people around me, right relationships. The constructing was fun, dynamic, powerful, awesome and of course full of promises and presence. But it made me a judgemental person. I categorised people as those who got it and those who didn’t. The church I was pastoring disintegrated because I had a powerful, personal vision to do things right and bring revival in. Those that had walked together for years started leaving and I didn’t give a damn about them, because I was building the Kingdom. I was digging the wells of revival. I was waiting for God to come and bless my great gatherings and to answer my spot on prayers and desires. Come and revive us o Lord! It nearly destroyed me, and it nearly destroyed all my relationships, and the church I was part of. I was obsessed with building the right structure of religious life and worship, one that would welcome the King in. My Reading was on it’s way, just around the corner, being sown in righteousness so I would reap in righteousness. It never came. I became broken, ripped, torn, splattered on the rock. The Valleys continued to experience poverty, the church still had empty seats. Disillusionment sets in.

Reviving the Desire for Everyday Life.

I am content. It took a journey to get to here, but I am satisfied. I do not need to bring in a visitation or outpouring because the Divine is so intertwined with my life it is inseparable. The ordinary is so full of wonderment I do not need to run after the end of a rainbow to find the more I think I need. The only awakening most of us needs is that life is available, life can be satisfying, and that my identity is full of holy D.N.A. in the here and now. There is nothing more awesome than opening our eyes and seeing. The joy of family, friends, colleagues. The hope and holiness in a sunrise, a raindrop, a star, the trees and fields. The amazing Divine D.N.A.within every person you meet. I no longer have to pray anything in, just open my eyes and breath. My longing is fulfilled. The more is at my fingertips. The only move of God I need is the next step I take, no matter how insignificant that feels. In insignificance is everything of significance, just because you or I are there. The view and vision has changed from fantasy to focus. The focus of what is in front of my nose all along. Everyday life is good. The ordinary, the normal, the Divine. God is moving in Reading? All I know is, as I move, He moves with me.


A Muse Meant.

A Dystopian Present.

On Saturday night I was in the Manchester Arena watching the band Muse. This was a Christmas present from my son Joel. He knows what a Father would like🙂. Muse are considered one of the best live bands on the planet at the moment, and I am a big fan, have all their albums and have enjoyed their progression in sound and popularity. Lyrically they paint a bit of a bleak dystopian present where Governments control, lie and create war and pain for it’s people. In that was they are like an Old Testament prophet speaking out about injustice, manipulation and the evil ideas that come from the top of the pyramid in society. Yet it is not all bleak. There is a call to stand tall, to speak out, to create a better world than the one we already live in. To be aware, to be free, to not be controlled by the forces above. In this way the lament and fear of the powers that be are tinged with hope of a more positive future because of us, the ordinary people.

Revere a million prayers
And draw me into your holiness
But there’s nothing there
Light only shines from those who share

(Dead Inside)

My life
You electrify my life
Let’s conspire to ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive


Love is our resistance
They’ll keep us apart and they won’t stop breaking us down
Hold me
Our lips must always be sealed

If we live a life in fear
I’ll wait a thousand years
Just to see you smile again

Kill your prayers for love and peace
You’ll wake the thought police
We can’t hide the truth inside


They will not force us
They will stop degrading us
They will not control us
We will be victorious


An Artistic Musical Painting.

Musically they paint an incredible picture of experimental and creative rock music. Generally only a three piece (guitar, bass, drums), but the sounds and musical kaleidoscope takes you through a gamut of emotions. From classical piano to the thrashing rock music, to signature time changes and surprising improvisations, the music never sits still. They are one minute Queen with pomp and circumstance, and the next minute a rockier version of Radiohead or Sigur Ros, painting pictures with sound and voice. Their creativity never wanes. Although each song is unmistakably them, they are all different journeys of sound and emotion. And they can play, they are real musicians. Watching them I came to the conclusion that no true artist can produce unchristian art because when the Creator is allowed to be let loose then it all speaks of Him. Muse shout out creativity. Their music is a journey that they want to take you on. You may be faced with a few bleak truths, but you will be carried through to make a difference through your own life.

Stage Management.

And that creativity is part of the stage show too. From glowing, floating drones and a plane that was guided around the stage, to the incredible light show, especially where the band looked like they were puppets, controlled by an evil leader. The stage itself succeeded where U2 failed in my opinion. Went to see the U2 360 tour and ended up commenting that it was 180 not 360, especially for those of us who sat at the back. This stage set up was totally 360. There was no front and back. It completely spun around through many songs, the singer and guitarist moved from one mic to another at different vantage points. Wherever someone sat they were at the front. Back-drops that told stories, incredible sights to match the sounds. But never too much. The band remained the focus of all things.

Divine Evenings.

The Divine fingerprint and breath is all over everything. I saw it, I felt it. We can keep churning out the same tunes and sounds while Muse move on if we want to, but to reflect the Creator there must be more creativity. This was up there as one of the best concerts I have ever been to. Ahead of U2, Coldplay and the game. It will live long in my memory that is for sure, and if you love music, and like it real, please if you ever get a chance go and see one of the best, if not THE best live band on the planet right now.

The Traveller’s Rest- Sound of the Anvil 2016.

New Year, New Day.

Sound of the Anvil originates from my time in Tonyrefail (that translates as sound of the anvil) when each unfolding of a new year I would release a prophetic word, Divine insight into the year and season ahead. It would be a sounding out to bring shape and focus into the present and hope for the future. These are the thoughts that have stirred me as 2015 has closed and 2016 has begun.

2016, a Year of Recalibration.

A readjusting, realignment. Calibration needs to be correct or accuracy will be affected. A new year is always a time for a personal recalibration, whether it be diet or fitness, or a fresh focus spiritually or relationally. This year both personally and corporately we need to be ready and willing to recalibrate. Recalibration is a mark of a secure sole. ‘Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.’ Readjust the thinking. “Your self perception may be getting in the way. We all form our own realities, and those realities are not perfect. Your self perception can be very limiting, and shaking up your notion of the world can do wonders for your productivity, creativity and happiness…recalibrate your reality.” So easy to be stuck into a routine or a way of thinking. We can lose sight of differing perspectives. We can have an umwelt, where we think our reality is the only reality. it isn’t. Time to go by a different route, walk in someone else’s shoes, rearrange the furniture. Some of us may be involved in major relocation this year. Others will be involved in unexpected transfers and shifts at work. Others will be doing major changes within their homes. Landscapes will physically change outside our window. Time to stay flexible.

2016, a Year of Increased awareness of the Sacredness of the Ordinary.

There will be a fresh breed of normal mystics who will be living, sharing and revealing the Divine in the seemingly mundane. Jars of clay and brokenness will reveal the treasure within everyday. Life itself will become a mystery revealed. The everyday journeys will have the fingerprints of heaven all over them. Life itself will become the greatest act of worship. Family life, work, times alone, walks, contemplation, normal conversation, coffee cups, pint glasses, all will carry Divine DNA. The normal mystics will be us; our friends, our families, our children, our work colleagues, thinkers, poets, musicians, writers, home makers, coffee drinkers, the marginalised, the misunderstood, the broken, the gracious, the happy, the depressed, the hopeful, the disillusioned, the silent, the joker, these and many more will be the normal mystics as we see the sacredness of our surroundings and the people we share them with.

2016, a Year of walking the line between The finished work of Christ and the loose ends He left us with.

Jesus cried ‘it is finished’. I believe in the finished, complete work of Christ. But I also see one who loved leaving us with loose ends. Accepting tensions and dwelling in the land of no answers peaceably will be key to personal and corporate growth this year, Tension is a healthy environment to dwell in. Straddling the world of completion and never ending is going to be a key land this year. Be happy to not know. I once wrote that Jesus was not only the answer but the question, be happy, content, in the land of questions. People do not want answers, just those who will question with them. Precious gems are formed through tension and pressure. The day of the ‘how to’ has gone. It is the day of the ‘haven’t got a clue but I’ll give it a go’. We like to tie up the loose ends. God loves to untie everything. 2016 will be the year of walking the line between the two and walking it with joy.

2016, a Year of a different mantle.

Like many I was devastated at the news this week of the death of David Bowie. Incredible artist, musician, chameleon, shape-shifter, writer. Often a mystery, but always re-inventing himself to challenge another generation. My spirit was saddened and intrigued at the way he died leaving behind his latest volume of work, Blackstar, that I only bought last Friday, and seeing his final video called ‘Lazarus’. Even his death seemed to be a work of art. I have often heard Christians desiring and wanting revivalist’s mantles. I have been to the grave of Evan Roberts and prayed for something. I have sat at the feet of a woman who served with Smith Wigglesworth and longed. Todd Bentley, the Arnotts, Pensacola, the desire for something of them to fall onto us. This past couple of days I have longed for the mantle of David Bowie to fall on myself and the church. That mantle of creativity and mystery, of art and of shape-shifting. To never be pinned down but to be accessible. To never be afraid to be anything other than myself and to be expressive. 2016 is going to be a year of seeking a different mantle.



The Traveller’s Rest- Advent Urous Journeying.

The Long and Winding Roads.

All roads lead to somewhere, or do they? Even if they lead to nowhere or a dead end then that is somewhere in itself. Roads, journeys, destinations known and unknown. The account of the Christmas story is full of them. Journeys of men, women and angels. Journeys of pregnant expectations, foreign star-gazers and angelic messengers. I have fallen in love with this season all over again. I love the story, I love the hope, I love the message of gift. I love the addition of fables and fairy story, of child-like awe and wonder at trees and lights and accounts of Saint Nick. I love the build up, the event and the gap between Boxing Day and New Year. This is my account of my Advent journey. A journey full of journeys. My long and winding road that encounters the long and winding road of Immanuel and birth and comings of promise. Over the four Sundays preceding Christmas I have followed one of many themes for the Advent journey. I have discovered there are many, none of them proclaiming to be the perfect one, but this was my journey, my thinking, my long and winding road to Bethlehem for 2015. Just glimpse the journey with me…

Pregnant Expectation.

The first Sunday of Advent, the coming, the Parousia, has the theme of anticipation. The longing for the Messiah who is to come. There is a theme of hope and expectation. A pondering on the words of the prophets who foretell the events surrounding the birth; ‘for unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given, and the government will be upon his shoulders’, ‘for out of you Bethlehem shall come forth a child’. A time for the Simeon and Anna’s of this world to come into the story. Those that have waited, longed, never given up. These two, often left out of the story, have key roles to play in holding a babe, a wordless, miracle-less, puny looking baby and accepting that this is what they were waiting for. Now I can die, this is that. Receiving the promise when it looks far from an answer. This pooping, crying, mother dependant infant is the Messiah we are waiting for. Pregnant expectation fulfilled. I remember the days when I was waiting for my boys to be born, that longing, that fear, the hope, the wonder, the worry. Not knowing when but knowing it will happen. False starts and dashed pain, but then the day arrives. The anticipation is fulfilled. O Come O Come Emmanuel.

Things That Are Not Become The Things That Are.

The second Sunday in Advent has the theme of Bethlehem. Though you are little out of you shall come forth… Bethlehem, the house of Bread, would birth the Bread of Life. Seemingly insignificant, small, and yet full of destiny and widescreen visions of God. Out of here came the house and line of David, another small, insignificant character. So insignificant his father forgot him when Samuel asked to see all Jesse’s sons. He’s only a boy, a shepherd, the runt of the litter. God says perfection. The God who takes the broken pots of the potter’s field and says this is my utensil, fit for my purpose. The God who confounds the wise by choosing the marginalised and the unprofessional. The signs of Bethlehem still are evident everywhere. O Little Town of Bethlehem, out of you. You reading this, out of you. That’s right YOU. Things that are not become the things that are.


The third Sunday in Advent is Guadete Sunday. The sounds of rejoicing. Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice. Rejoice in the Lord O you righteous, for praise from the upright is beautiful. But there is pain, loss, hopelessness. I have been more aware than ever this year of the sense of loneliness and loss people suffer during the festive period. Whether it has been the pictures of the devastating floods or the John Lewis advert, or the gentleman who lost his father aged 100 who turned up during Advent. There is not always the evidence of peace, joy, hope. It is at times like this our harps can be hung on the Poplar tree branches and we say how can we sing the Lord’s song in this strange land? But it is at times like this the Divine can stir from our depth as deep cries out to deep. Release of the song, the sound of joyful children, the laughter of a Santa, the conversations on a drunken work’s do dance floor. For a fleeting moment joy can heal in ways that even prayer cannot, but then the rejoicing is a healing prayer. On this Sunday I rejoiced with my family in the home, my family in Passion and then my family at work. Went from the couch to the church gathered to the dance floor. Joy flowed. He is here.

I Believe in Angels.

The fourth Sunday in Advent has the theme of Angels. Stories of the mysterious beings who carry eternal messages that change the course of history. Their unnerving presence as they appear to the unsuspecting, normal people. These are not your supernatural conference junkies, these are people living in a time when God’s voice is rare, sparse, distanced. Into this world beings form another world appear with strange requests and directions. These simple folk believe. They believe the hilarious, zany, whacky ideas. The angels proclamations are unparalleled. Virgins having God’s child, directions for journeys never taken before, warnings, hopes, laughable stuff that would make the tellers seem insane. But the angels come, in dreams, in the day, uninvited into rooms, holy messengers with a message of the birth of something new. Angels who praise unendingly and sing with gusto to an audience more bemused than appreciative. An audience of shepherds hidden outside the busy theatres and holy temples.

He is Here.

The coming One is here. We wait in anticipation for the One who has arrived. Advent points to His coming, the journey becomes the destination. We seek Him here, there and everywhere but the Holy Pimpernel is amongst us if we would only look and see. He is here. Here I am wishing you a peaceful and joyful end to the festivities and a great hope for the year that lays ahead. Advent. Parousia. He is here.


The Traveller’s Rest- Intervention

“I don’t believe in an interventionist God
But I know, darling, that you do
But if I did I would kneel down and ask Him
Not to intervene when it came to you
Not to touch a hair on your head
To leave you as you are
And if He felt He had to direct you
Then direct you into my arms”

Nick Cave.

Where is God in the Terror?

A few weeks ago we witnessed the stark horrors of terrorism hitting the streets of Paris. Gig goers and the normal public were hit by suicide bombers with no warning, and the streets lay with blood once again. Since then there has been an engagement with war again, this time in Syria, and then another shooting incident in America. One big question that comes out time and time again during these events is ‘where was God?’ ‘Why didn’t he intervene?’ I think these are fair questions when we are found to be boldly proclaiming a loving God to a humankind that witnesses such atrocities. Where is God when we hurt? Why doesn’t he stop these incidents? Some people give thanks to God for having just passed these places or even cancelling events the day before, calling it God’s protection or covering, but what does this say to the partner who has lost a lover, a mother who has lost a son? Why did God help you and not them? What makes you so special? This leads to the question, does God intervene in the unfolding of life on earth at all, or is he so interwoven in the fabric that we miss what he is doing? Does everything have a purpose, even an event of terrorism? Do all things work together for good when my son’s life has been blown apart? Where is God in the terror?

Our Lives as Intervention.

The only way I can personally try to tie up these loose ends is to understand how God dwells on earth today. He does not reside in buildings and He is not the pied piper or magician of the sky that we call upon. He dwells within us as His people. He is part of our DNA. Our body as Temple is His Body. That releases responsibility away from an external force trying to stop what is taking place and brings back the destiny of our lives. God intervenes through people. Through acts of kindness, braveness, love, sacrifice, self-giving. A boyfriend who lays over his girlfriend so he takes the full force of the blast. A stranger who pulls wounded from a crowd. A world that stands with the city and blesses and loves those within with kind words and prayers. God intervenes through the hatred and destruction to release an opposite spirit, but through people,normal people. Good and bad get caught up the events of the world, they are seemingly random happenings, but there is choice to release goodness, mercy, grace, hope, peace. All of these things have intervened into the world in the aftermath. From protecting Muslims caught up in the blame and hatred, to holding concerts in Paris once again. Our lives become the intervention.

Divinity Always Dwells but must Manifest.

The Divine always dwells within mankind, but what we must see is a manifestation of the fruit of the dwelling. Our lives as manifest. Becoming the intervention. Becoming the prayer for the city, our community, our workplace. What Divine character can I manifest to intervene in a world of hurt and tragedy? We pray for God to move, break out, come, but He already made his move. Jesus life proclaims this, the Holy Spirit coming fulfils this. God is with us, within us. We pray for peace, be peace. We pray for hope, be hope. We pray for change, be change. But that is not so easy as looking to an outward force to rescue us. Looking for a God of the sky to bend down and alter things. But that is the challenge for us all, to be the intervention that we are longing for or wanting. There is then no scape-goating of a non intervening interventionist God.

Stop Chasing Every Breaking Wave.

U2 O2.

U2 tour stage for Songs Of Innocence preview video - watch and tickets

On Sunday I travelled to the impressive O2 Arena in London with my eldest son Joel to witness the Innocence and Experience tour touching ground here in the U.K. The band U2 have remained a constant in my life since the age of about 14 and during that time I have seen them four times, dating right back to the War tour where I saw them in Ipswich of all places. I love their songs, their sound and their spirituality. Many of their songs touch me at a deep level, and although I have gone through many musical fads and tastes and journeys they have always been there. I understand they are not everyone’s cup of tea, that Bono can appear too in your face and pious, but there is something about this little band from Dublin. Despite terrible seats, a big screen was covering part of the stage, we were soon drawn into an experience, an encounter, a journey of love, passion, hope, God. Singing along to such classics as ‘Where the Streets Have No Name’ and ‘I Will Follow’ as well as tracks from the new album, the crowd sang as one with a huge smile on their faces. This was about a community of fans enjoying the band they loved, the songs they adored and grew up with and a night to remember. It was an amazing two and a half hours of classic music. Made the long drive home worthwhile, arriving home tired, satisfied, on top of the world. Once again this band had conquered my heart.

Every Breaking Wave.

“Are we ready to be swept off our feet
And stop chasing every breaking wave?”

One of the songs that has grabbed my attention on the new album is ‘Every Breaking Wave’. Many sermons/talks/blogs could be shared from this one song. The thought of stopping the chase after those breaking waves has stirred my heart in a strange way. You see through-out my Christian life I have been seeking out and chasing after the waves of revival and renewal. I have driven all over Britain to surf the waves of Toronto and Pensacola. Run after prophetic movements and went wherever I could sense a well of refreshing. I have created waves and read all the latest books on what the next move is going to look like, so I could have my surf board ready and primed to find the next contemporary breaking wave. But what was that all about in a life of constants? Was it pure escapism from the reality of life and the ordinary? Was it only the thought of a better, more exciting life that kept us going until the next weekend? While we sought out a more supernatural day, God showed us a more natural way, the way of living on earth in flesh. I ran the country hunting out other storm chasers, while I neglected the family and community God had placed me within. The waves became the focus rather than the people. Who cared if they were drowning as long as I was riding the biggest waves around. Thankfully I am no longer impressed by the fizz of waves. I realised that no matter how many waves there were, there would always be another one, and each one would always end up at the same place. I have stopped chasing after every breaking wave.

Steadfast Spirit.

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”

While we crave the excitement of a fresh buzz, David craved something different. He asked God for a steadfast spirit. Now that doesn’t sound very exciting. That is not going to thrill young people and radicals and event addicts. That is not going to turn on storm chasers and supernatural lovers. A steadfast spirit. Constant. Loyal. Unfaltering and unchanging. Unwavering. Level. Much of the Christian walk can be about highs and lows, mountains and valleys, but God is looking for a spirit that is a level playing field. Not hyped up into third heaven ecstasy, or crashing into deep moments of despair. Yes life and emotion will deal both those cards, but our spirits should be unwavering. We should not need the conference or new worship sound to lift us up, at the same time that crisis of faith and times of question should not cause a shipwreck. Steadfast spirits are always there. They never seem to get carried away or snowed under. They are reliable and faithful in relationship, not fair-weather friends. Community is built on such people, not upon the glory hunters of this world. After all is gone only the constant remains. The steadfast.

Silver Shred.

In my music world U2 have been my constant. Ever since I first heard New Year’s Day I have journeyed with this band. As Allison sometimes has said, if they released a fart on record I would buy it, which is probably true. And this leads to another truth of constant. Allison. This year we celebrate our 25th Anniversary, on the 29th December. 25 years this woman has put up with me. Put up with my fads and my whims. Put up with my prophetic wildness and wilderness wanderings. Put up with me disappearing to find the thrills and put up with my pain as people stabbed me and criticised me. Supported things she has not understood and supported me to others when she could easily have slapped me herself. Put up with me going out to preach while she was starting the dark night of a miscarriage, and put up with me wandering the country platforms while she got on with the day to day home life. Put up with my lack of interest in building a home while I was busy building the Kingdom and prophetic empires. And that is just the religious junk. She has put up with my mood swings and laziness, put up with my irritating opinions and general lack. And she has put up with stuff that will never get recorded or is not for human consumption. Through it all she has been constant, unwavering, steadfast in her love and commitment. Through all my wild wanderings she has been there, and for that I am so grateful. When all others departed she was there for me. I may not have been the best husband over this 25 year period, but I thank God for someone who was not out to chase breaking waves, but was out to build home, life and family. Her life is an example to me, as well as many others whose lives she will touch. A lesson in steadfastness.


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The Day of No Walls.

Turning Tides.

Talk about turning tides, unpredictable winds, unfolding unexpected paths. A month ago I would not have predicted that I would be writing this blog about the transpired events of my life. But here I am walking the line, embracing the unplanned, laughing at the contradictions of the journey. It all started in a suddenly. A shock bit of news. A friend, who is a Pastor of a relatively new gathering here in the Rhondda, suffered a heart attack. Julian was healthy, active and remained a contact and more importantly friend during my journey outside the walls. We played football together, enjoyed meals together as couples and shared gathering time, as he remained only one of a few people prepared to continue to invite me to share. I also officiated a few years ago at his wedding to the lovely Wendy. The news of his heart attack came as an enormous shock. The news arrived just as I was due to go away on holiday. Never had an opportunity to see him before I left, or before I went to Greenbelt. But I was concerned for my friend, as anybody would be.

Never Say Never.

At Greenbelt I met with my friend Diane for a coffee and chat. We covered loads of ground in our hour together. But there was one question she asked that would come back to haunt me. She said ‘do you ever think you will go back into ‘church’ leadership?’ Strange thing is I had been asked this question so many times in the past eight years and without hesitation have always said no, but this time without thinking about it I said ‘never say never’. It never shocked me at the time, but now when I think about it….A week later from that question I find myself in the front room of my friend Julian. Just there to see how he is, do the good pastoral, caring visit. There were others there too and the conversation was good, positive, encouraging. He had some tough moments and days but recovery was ongoing. The other visitors left. Then out of the blue the question was somehow slipped in. ‘Would you consider coming on board and joining us at Passion as part of the team?’ I was not expecting that, I was taken aback, side-swiped. Now Julian had often said I was welcome to join them, again I always said thank you but no. This time again my reply was different. ‘I will consider it’. Where did that come from? Then I remembered my conversation with Diane.

Can I Live the Tension?

Then came a week of inner battle. One day I would wake up with a definite no, the next with a yes. How could I step back into a church arena again after so long, when my thoughts had shifted in so many areas? How could I not want to stand shoulder to shoulder with people of faith again in a place of community? What would people say who I have walked out a journey with over these years outside the walls? How could I be so religious about being outside the walls now, as I was when I was inside the walls? Could I truly live the tension of my journey; where I had been, where I was, where I was going?  But in it all one thing rose above all others. Friendship. If I can put my personal faith journey before friendship then what sort of journey am I walking out? If I am not prepared to stand in relationship with someone who wants to partner with me then what does that say about my heart for relationship? I had often said walking together is not seeing eye to eye, it is walking hand in hand, now was my opportunity to show that to be reality in my own thinking. I met with Julian and Wendy, and Paula and Frank, and ended up saying yes to a new day, a new chapter of the journey. And I loved the totality of the vision; to love God, love each other and eat. Not much I could disagree with there.

Walls of my own Creation.

We always create walls, borders, boundaries. It is time to live as if there are no walls. I have thought lately it is never about being inside or outside, to God there is neither side. Jesus came to walk through walls. It is a day of no walls. I am nervously excited about what will come from this. It is a privilege to stand with my friends Julian and Wendy. They themselves have been through many battles, but together there is the start of a new way of thinking. The humour of God, the Divine laughter is all over this. I came out of the A.O.G. during my time at Tonyrefail, they are looking to join the A.O.G. Attended an A.O.G. Regional day with them on Saturday in the same car as the new Pastor and her husband from my old haunt of Tonyrefail. Helen is a great character and conversation was good. Entering the building some of the first people we bumped into were instrumental in part of the complicated last chapter of my life there. I could hear the laughter of heaven. Healing, challenge, dealing, mirror in my heart. A fresh wind is blowing, and it’s direction is totally different to the forecast. But I am where I am, and where I want and need to be. It is a day for Passion.