The Traveller’s Rest- My Dark Side.

Kelly’s Eye.

“Dark Side”

Oh oh oh, there’s a place that I know
It’s not pretty there and few have ever gone
If I show it to you now
Will it make you run away?

Or will you stay
Even if it hurts
Even if I try to push you out
Will you return?
And remind me who I really am
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody’s got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody’s a picture perfect
But we’re worth it
You know that we’re worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Like a diamond
From black dust
It’s hard to know
What can become
If you give up
So don’t give up on me
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody’s got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody’s a picture perfect
But we’re worth it
You know that we’re worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Don’t run away
Don’t run away
Just tell me that you will stay
Promise me you will stay
Don’t run away
Don’t run away
Just promise me you will stay
Promise me you will stay

Will you love me? ohh

Everybody’s got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody’s a picture perfect
But we’re worth it
You know that we’re worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Don’t run away
Don’t run away

Don’t run away
Promise you’ll stay

(Kelly Clarkson)

In the holy aisles of Asda during those hours of the vampires we always have the accompaniment of Asda Radio. This station plays mainly popular chart music with one or two classics thrown in. Not my normal Tetley but it always surprises how many of those catchy tunes get inside the head. Every now again a song will be played that has that glint of the eternal within it and the Divine One speaks through the lyrics. One song that really hits deep within at the moment is the above song from Kelly Clarkson. An artist I know very little about outside of talent shows but there was something about these lyrics that became more than a song, it became a cry from my own heart. This cry was not aimed at just God but at all those who walk the earth with shoes made from eternity. A personal cry from my own heart wondering if the day of pretence can finally be nailed to the cross and reality of life be lived whatever the experience or outcome. Will you love me, even with my dark side?

Church is For Thespians.

Church, the place of honesty is often far from it. The place that should be a safe haven of reality is often the greatest place of pretence and putting on the mask. The acting is second to none. The ‘Sunday best’ or smart/casual jeans and t-shirt portray one who is in control, or at least one who has God in control. The smiley is always worn, the victory sung about, the joy should be infectious. To admit to struggle is defeatist, to speak of struggle is lack of trust, to come out as struggling with depression even worse. Don’t we know it was all won for us at the cross? Sickness should be banished, doubt scoffed at, fear is for spiritual wimps. No one should walk around with such a lack of faith. Need to discover what Jesus has really done for us. We are in with the ‘in’ crowd when we do the victory parade, but what about when my dark side escapes from underneath the covers? All of a sudden you are held at arms length, talked about as back-sliding or not believing the Scriptures. I have had a guts full of Thespian churches and communities of only winners and over-comers. Where are the places of the real? Where can I reveal my dark side without the fear of being shunned? I long for such community. Will you still love me, even with my dark side?

Darkness Revealed.

I have a dark side. I struggle with loads of things. Some things probably still will remain locked away until I feel totally safe. I get angry and can fly off the handle and want to shout ‘fuck’ at the top of my voice. I can be selfish and secretive and only think of myself. I blame being an only child for growing with a flaw in my make up that makes it tough sometimes to share. Like Abraham I can make up a story with the best of them to get out of tight corners. Surely little fibs are never as bad as lies? I can get caught up in gossip and before thinking run someone down. I can lust with the best of them and even have a second look. I am as stubborn as a mule and can love to keep an argument going for the sake of it. I can be lazy and forgetful and down right rude. I have spent money I did not have and used what I should not have touched. I have a dark side. I am not picture perfect. And these are just the things I feel comfortable sharing. Will you still love me, even with my dark side?

All of Me.

David was a man after God’s own heart; adulterer, attempted to hide the affair then plotted a killing. God seemed to love all of him, even his dark side. Is it possible that that is true for all of us? And if God still loves me and my dark side can you? Is there any community anywhere that would love my mood swings and obnoxious moments? Any group interested in hearing my struggles without judgement or so called ‘sound’ advice? Just to listen, love, embrace, hope, be? I am believing for such days. I am believing for space for all. That condemning eyes would be a thing of the past. That confession would be good for the soul because it would not be followed by disgust and Scriptures and haughty looks. Just love. Will you love me, even with my dark side?

******************************************************************************

No blog next week due to being on holiday. Back in two weeks :).

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3 thoughts on “The Traveller’s Rest- My Dark Side.

  1. Geoff Reed

    Paul every time you talk this way about just being able to be open and honest and still loved, it reminds me of what a joy it is to be around you mate. Your yearnings are those of many people caught up in the “whats expected of them” rat race which they can only dream about ending.Thank God we are getting a little taster of what it is like.

    Reply
    1. pleader05 Post author

      Sandy Nista that should be so true. Unfortunately it is often not the case. Unconditional love is a hard thing to find. I do thank God for the few friends I have that stand with me no matter what.

      Reply

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