The Traveller’s Rest- Hurts Like Heaven.

Talking Wounds.

One thing I, and many in a similar situation, get accused of more than anything is speaking from a place of hurt. We only talk about the church like we do, and are critical of it’s ways, because we have been hurt in some way. That is why we are so negative about it. The easiest thing to do here is defend our point of view and say that we are not hurt but just saying things as we see them, and that may be true in itself, but looking for a new honesty I have to also ask what is wrong in speaking from a place of hurt? Does that mean everyone who gets hurt has to shut there mouths and stay silent until they are free from hurt? And even then they could not say anything because that would just be the hurt resurfacing. Hurt is part of the human psyche and experience, we wound each other with actions and we wound each other with words. To say we cannot speak out about the situations and establishments that hurt us because of what we carry is ludicrous and a form of silencing the critic. Often hurt draws out of us an honesty that we may otherwise suppress. To keep it all buried is a place of denial and may cause many others to be hurt, to speak out could actually help someone. I cannot be silent about my own journey. I am one of the talking wounded.

Everybody Hurts.

Everyone hurts sometime. That is a fact. There is a cry and a voice that needs to be heard in that place. We are so good at sweeping things under the carpet and being in denial because it is not the right thing to do to walk with wounds and admit we are hurt. I have been hurt many times. Hurt, wounded, abused, trod on, misunderstood, accused, talked about, lied about, all with a nice smile to my face and a dagger to my back. People who have been part of the leadership team have smiled at face and hugged me and worshipped with me, and then criticised me behind my back. People I have trusted have turned around and used that trust to force my hand in resignation. Others I have told my deepest secrets to only to turn their backs when things do not go their way. People have sucked the life out of me with their issues while not caring that I was dying inside. I would stand at the front of the congregation at times looking out over a people that loved me in the Lord but hated what I was doing to their church and would rather see the back of me. It got so bad I would hear them without them needing to talk. My insides would churn when I saw them come through the doors of the church. These people have never asked me how I really am and how is my family or work, they would rather criticise me for walking outside the walls and tell me I am in error. Have I been hurt? Yes. Do i carry hurt? Yes. Do I sometimes speak from hurt? You bet I do. But my life is not built on that hurt. It is part of my make up and I do not let it rule me. I walk to love, forgive, embrace those that have hurt me. That is some tough shit sometimes, but I have not sought revenge yet on anybody.

Hurt, a Place of Creativity.

Hurt is an amazingly creative place. Many amazing love songs are not written from a place of being in love, but in being hurt. Hurt and wounds are a part of human relationships. If we have never been hurt we have never truly loved. It can push us out of our confines into a brand new horizon for our lives. We will feel exposed and alone, but we can end up in a direction we never dreamed of, these are often the best directions of life. We end up trying to deal with the issues, some crumble under the weight of it all, but others find a strength outside of themselves. The future of the ekklesia needs those who have been hurt, especially those hurt by the church. Not to tell them to return but to tell them where they find themselves is okay and life can become a patch work of wonder for them once again. From their wounds can spring forth eternal life. From the pain can come words of release. We may find it easy to descend into pity parties but something bigger is going on here. I have been hurt by the church but it does not stop me loving the people that are a part of it. It does not stop me bringing hope to it and as I write words of honesty that says ‘you hurt me, you are wrong, I do not want to be involved too deep with you again.’ Why should people keep running back into the arms of an abuser? It is like that fire will burn me, i will not stick my hands in there again. If you want to that is fine, but do not judge me through your own place of where you sit and what you cope with. With all this admission you probably think I need healing, need to forgive, need counselling. I just need to be free to journey and find my peace. A peace I live in 99% of the time until I run into the old monster again. Then the wounds talk again. The blood cries out. At times it can hurt like heaven.

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11 thoughts on “The Traveller’s Rest- Hurts Like Heaven.

  1. Mavis Andradez

    Wounds stay with you long after the situation that hurt is over. You would think that those who caused the hurt would be more concerned about how they as Christians end up hurting fellow Christians, not try to get you back to the place where you were hurt. As you say, if you have been burned, you’re certainly not going to put yourself back into the fire to get burned all over again. Also not everyone who leaves the organised church leaves because of some hurt. I didn’t. I wanted the freedom to wander and explore more with God than I was able to inside the ‘box’.

    Reply
    1. pleader05 Post author

      Mavis I so appreciate what you share here. Wounds and healing have an interesting collaboration in Scripture and one we seem to forget as Christians. We seem to think wholeness means being perfectly untainted in all areas but we carry scars with us. Even the resurrected Christ still bore the marks of His past hurts. It is a bit like the parable of the field, some stumble on the riches others look for it, some want the freedom to wander, while others hands are forced by situations. Both can discover the treasure in the field.

      Reply
  2. Gillian Wightman

    Hi I have been reading these blogs since they were on Martin Scott’s site. I usually respond with silent agreement but have been too shy to comment. My husband and I walk ‘outside the walls’ and have just moved to Hastings. Is there anyone reading this who lives in the area and would like to be bought a drink?
    In response to this blog- I think people wound because they fear those who dare to question the status quo. It doesn’t make it hurt less but it helps me to keep loving them, although maybe from a safe distance!

    Reply
    1. pleader05 Post author

      Hi Gillian, I appreciate your response and those silent agreements :). If there is anyone in the Hastings area please respond. Always good to make a connection, especially in the walk outside the walls. Wished I lived nearer so I could have that drink with you. There is a fear of questions. That fear does unfortunately reveal itself in so many negative ways. Heart is always important towards the people involved, difficult as that can be.

      Reply
  3. dianewoodrow

    “…until I run into the old monster again. Then the wounds talk again. The blood cries out.” Love this bit so much. Its something someone told me about grief – you never get over it but you get on with life, but the black dog is always in the corner of the room and sometimes comes out to let you know he’s still there.
    Also Mavis’ comment about wounds – wounds are there to show you’ve been hurt. I’ve still got a scar from an accident when I was 7 and, like the wounds of my heart, its there to show what I’ve been through. Maybe we shouldn’t wear our wounds with pride but we do need to know they are there and every so often they need a scratch.
    Great post again XX

    Reply
    1. pleader05 Post author

      We still have scars from childhood to show what we’ve been through. A reminder. To bring to remembrance. I too have a scar on my finger from school days and I can remember exactly how it happened. The boy who did it is now a Facebook friend and I feel no animosity towards him whatsoever, I remember but now more with a smile than with pain. There is healing even through the carrying of scars. Thanks again Diane for your response. Love to you there x.

      Reply
  4. Simon Scott

    Hi Paul, Thanks for your honesty-it is very seriously appreciated. It is a strange thing that those who have been hurt become more of a problem to be fixed, rather than a sign to be observed. I’d just like to agree with your comment that ‘The future of the ekklesia needs those who have been hurt, especially those hurt by the church’.
    Those that have been hurt need to hear this and know this. I believe that many in their hurt they will have had an insight to the Father’s heart for this world and for his ekklesia. Of course we all have a choice in how we respond.

    Thanks

    Reply
    1. pleader05 Post author

      Hi Simon, so appreciate your response and love your words. A sign to be observed not a problem to be fixed, I love that. There is an insight into Father’s heart in this realm that those who do not carry wounds will never appreciate. The voice cannot afford to be lost to the Body. This will add to my own thinking of this through this week. Thanks again Simon.

      Reply
  5. John Matthews

    Well said Paul. It seems you also are experiencing the impact of decades of mixing up forgiveness and denial in the church. True forgiveness experiences hurt and the offender readily acknowledges his/her part in causing it. Then the healing process can begin. It seems we are now living with the fruit of “just get over it” and “turn your love button on” teaching that puts all of the onus on the one with the wound as the abuser continues hurting others. This is never more apparent in the most popular “repentance” line I have heard all too often – “If I have done anything that may have hurt you, I am sorry.” as you lie on the ground with their knife in your back. Reminiscent of “Faction before blood”.

    Reply
  6. pleader05 Post author

    Hi John, great to hear from you. Been a while :). Trust you are doing good. So appreciate your perspective and added words here. All those who have responded have added so much to my own thinking and pondering on the issue. Much blessing to you and your family there in Canada x.

    Reply

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