When it’s ajar.
Thought it was about time to write an update on the journey, for anyone out there who is remotely interested. It’s been nearly three years since my last post, and even longer than that since I wrote on my journey. A journey which took me out of church life and structure and into a life of disconnect from where I had been positioned for nearly twenty years. A life of re-connection with the Divine in and through all things after a time of disillusionment and breaking down of my identity wrapped up in church leadership. And then a surprise swing back into “church” life to stand with a friend who had suffered a heart attack. This standing was a positive experience and made me realise that there is hope within the walls, and that a door that is ajar brings grace and peace and joy. It has never been about being in or out, but about heart and life and experience and all that entails in a life of freedom. I am so honoured and privileged to have been able to stand with the folk in Passion, who gave me back a joy to serve and love and worship and share. There are those with amazing hearts marginalised within the walls, who gather for more than just a meeting. And my road to wholeness continues. You never realise how much hurt is carried until confronted with a few things. The scars were touched by a healing balm as we worshipped and journeyed.
The Shutting of Doors.
Have often wondered how long this part of the journey would be for. Had often had the thought of three years in my mind and heart. Yet it is funny how we often need more than a hint about things. First thing that happened was my car had engine issues and became a bit of a write off. The mechanic said it is just not worth fixing. That sort of honesty in a mechanic is not usual. So I had to rely on others to get to places. But I still managed to get lifts to passion. The next thing was a shift in my job situation. Nights were getting to me. I had walked those holy aisles for over ten years. I got a job in a factory. After a couple of days I realised I did not like it, and that I had made a big mistake. I looked to get my old job back, the hours had gone. But they found me a job on days in the chilled department. But this meant hours that took me out of Thursday night’s gathering. I was happy with that, but getting increasingly uncomfortable. But I was back in those holy aisles. New connections. Old connections. Customers. Loved it. The door was shutting more and more on a chapter but still I soldiered on. Then I was asked to work Sundays. I took the opportunity. But it clashed with Sunday life as I had known it for the past three years. I knew the door had closed. While others fretted I was at total peace. It was painful, I loved the guys at Passion, but I knew the time to step out had come. This time I stepped out with peace, joy, health and no sense of disillusionment or lack of identity at all. I was secure in the arms of the Divine. Whether in the aisles of Asda or in life at home I was steeped in grace and love.
A New Door(ning).
Parallel to all this something else was going on that was highlighting the next step. The life outside the walls was as secure as anywhere, and the new shifts were just the tonic. But there was some things that were going on with my family that was more than an under-current. A new door, a new dawning. But that is for next time. Just want to comment on the fact that the journey remains ever surprising, ever amazing, ever frightening and full of curve balls. Convinced the most amazing stories are still being written in the margins, and that the unseen places are the most powerful. We journey on forever in the eternal Palm, and forever indebted to grace and love.